Surviving vs Living

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by Nellie Prinsloo

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Have you ever asked yourself the question: “Is this really what life is all about”? If you did then you are definitely surviving but if you told yourself “I really want to live a long time!” then you are living!

More and more I see people in my practice surviving and not living. They run, float, swim from one crisis situation to another and has given up on the pleasure of living! The main complaint is that there is no time to live and that life in general has lost it attraction. More and more people are contemplating suicide and feel isolated and depressed. They absolutely feel no longer awed by the wonder of life and actually question the purpose and objective of their life! And as they survive without living, they experience different emotions such as anger, helplessness and hopelessness, fear of more of the same and so they slowly but surely give up on life and eventually they only breath, eat, sleep and work. How sad is that?

We often feel sorry for people in comas or people that are no longer in touch with reality but the sad truth is that if you are only surviving you are in a coma and not in touch with reality! You are so entangled in the sadness and negative situations, thoughts and emotions of your past or in few cases, present, that you forget to live everyday! You do not use your senses, you do not dream and you certainly do not allow yourself to feel passion!

I remember an incident when I just qualified as a psychologist and went with a friend to a conference in Cape Town. She drove and we arrived late at night and all of a sudden we saw Table Mountain that had many lights illuminating this beautiful mountain. With great passion my friend slowed the car down to 10 km/h whilst exclaiming and proclaiming the beauty of this landmark! In the meantime cars were flashing by, all in great speed to reach their destination and ignoring the familiarity of their mountain. My friend however allowed one of her senses to experience something that she felt passionate about and she lived totally and without reservation in that moment. I on the other hand was clinging to my seat in fear of other cars driving into us and worrying if all the other cars would see us in time to brake and avoid a collision! I was definitely only surviving. One experience but two totally different attitudes divided us into survival mode and living mode!

Thinking back on that incident often made me smile at my own inability to feel passion for life and at her in fondness for reminding me that living is in the moment and if you do not grab it, it is gone never to experience it again! We can always live life even in crises situations – we can learn to do it by taking baby steps. Try tasting the coffee that you are taking whilst waiting for your loved one to come out of the operating theater. Give someone a reassuring smile that is more tearful and sadder than you. Try to find something new in a familiar site and try to plan for a holiday even if you don’t know when you will have the money to do so! Try to find the meaning of your trials and tribulations. Remind yourself that you are strong enough to withstand the strong winds coming your way and still be alive enough to feel the wind on your skin and smell the rain in the air!

The answer to your question “Is this really what life is all about” is “Life is all about what you want it to be!” If you choose to only survive then certainly life will be painful, uncomfortable or bland but if you choose to really live, then your life will be filled with not only pain, anger or sadness but also with wonder, passion, new experiences in small moments and memories of those moments that will sustain you during the hard times. Think about how you want to spend the rest of your life: do you want to only survive or do you want to really live with negative and positive experiences and emotions! Choose wisely the quality of your life regardless of all the obstacles in your way and remember that you take out of life what you are prepared to experience! Surviving life’s punches is not the objective but rather surviving whilst living life to the fullest!